Update on Britney - 2008/11/21 02:31
While advance quotes and video clips from the upcoming MTV documentary Britney: For the Record have been slowly leaking out, on Thursday PEOPLE had an official sneak preview of the revealing chronicle of three months in the life of Britney Spears.
Among what's in store: The riveting, 90-minute documentary kicks off at Spears's home on the morning of the MTV Video Music Awards, with her tank-top-clad dad, Jamie, in the kitchen making his daughter cheese grits (with Velveeta) as she preps for the show. In the kitchen, her manager, Larry Rudolph, proclaims it "the official beginning of the comeback."
Though Spears says she doesn't like the word "comeback," she admits, "I had totally lost my way, lost focus, lost myself."
Loneliness Led to Wrong Choices Early in the film – which premieres on MTV Sunday, Nov. 30, two days prior to the release of her new CD, Circus – the pop star, 26, explains why she agreed to let a camera crew follow her: "I wasn't being seen in the light that I wanted to be seen in. ... There's a lot that people don't know about me."
Spears takes topics ranging from her failed romances with Justin Timberlake and Kevin Federline ("I never really faced it, and I just ran," she says of divorcing him) to why she let "bad people" into her life. Her excuse: "Because I was lonely."
At one point, Spears – whose father has permanent legal conservatorship over her affairs – bursts into tears while discussing her situation. "It's bad," she says. "I'm sad."
Misses the 'Excitement' Later, she complains that her life is "too in-control. There's no excitement. There's no passion."
The cameras follow Spears to New York City, where she meets with execs from her record label, goes shopping (she picks out a blouse and calls it "very Katie Holmes") and sees the Broadway musical In the Heights – all the while being hounded by photographers who she says cramp her style.
"I was a pretty cool chick," she says, "and I'm really not that way anymore."
Still, she tries to keep things in perspective. "I think, it could be a lot worse. … People have it a lot worse than I do."
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iluvgossip
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Re:Update on Britney - 2008/11/21 02:41
EW just attended an exclusive screening of the first 33 minutes of the hotly anticipated upcoming MTV documentary, Britney: For the Record, premiering on Nov. 30 at 10 p.m. Shot over three months following her performance at this year's VMAs, the 90-minute film offers a candid look inside Britney Spears' personal and professional life. Among other highlights, you'll see the remarkably isolated entertainer at home eating cheese grits (cooked by her dad) on the morning of the VMAs; getting stalked by paparazzi; shooting the video for "Womanizer;" meeting with her management team and record label about her new CD, Circus (out Dec. 2); dissing Katie Holmes' style while shopping in New York; talking about how she envies Jessica Alba for being able to go grocery shopping with her baby without getting mobbed by photographers; and insisting that she's not a victim of her success while admitting that she often feels like a prisoner. Here are a few juicy soundbites.
On Justin Timberlake and Kevin Federline (whom she refers to as "my babies' daddy"): "With Justin, he was a part of the magnitude of what I had become. So when he was gone I was like, What am I supposed to do with myself? I was devastated [by the breakup] but I handled it a lot better than the [split] with Kevin....He started to do an album for himself and he started to do things for himself, and I just never saw him anymore....When it ended I felt so alone. I didn't really wanna think about the reality of it. I never faced it....I just ran."
On recovering from her 2007 meltdown: "My trust has really been battered....Sometimes it can get kinda lonely....I had totally lost my way. I lost focus. I lost myself. I let certain people into my life that were just bad people...because I was lonely....I really paid the consequences for that. Big time....What the hell was I thinking?"
On fame: "At first, it's amazing, the first year or two, because it's like, I'm a celebrity!....It didn't really touch me until I had been working for six years....I wanted to just stop. I wanted to create a new life."
On the current state of her life: "Do I know my life is weird? It's all I've ever known. I don't see it as being weird....I'm kind of stuck in this place and I'm like, How do you deal? I just cope with it every day....It's better not to feel anything at all and have hope than to feel the other way....It's bad. I'm sad." She breaks down into tears. Later, she complains that her life is too in control these days: "It's like Groundhog Day every day. It's really boring....Normal is really different for everybody....In my situation, I try to make it as normal as possible for me....It could be a lot worse. There are people out there who have it a lot worse than I do....I used to be a cool chick but I feel like the paparazzi has taken that away from me, like, the way I used to live my life. I used to be a cool chick but I'm not anymore."
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