Will he take the next step?

    Have you ever noticed that the more you
try to get close to a man and improve your
relationship… the more DISTANT and withdrawn
he’ll become?

    Well, recently I received an email from a
woman who shared her story about this.

    I think you’ll feel for her and relate to
the struggle that she’s facing.

    That’s why I’ve devoted today’s newsletter
to teaching you:

-why men can grow more distant the more you try
to get closer to them

-the mistakes most women make when trying to
bring men closer

-what REALLY works in creating a lasting and
committed relationship with a man, and what
doesn’t

-how a man becomes truly committed to a woman on
a physical AND emotional level

    So here we go…

***QUESTION FROM A READER***

I recently met guy and we started dating. From our
first date he was very forward with me (kissing,
touching, etc) and I was the reserved one until
the third date or so ( I hadn’t had that much
experience with men).

After a few weeks when he realized I started
having "feelings" for him he decided that he
wasn’t the right one for me. He said he has
never been in love with anyone before and it is
better to break up with me now than in six months
time. Is he scared of getting hurt again? (his
previous relationship ended after six months and
she broke it off about this time last year)

It came out of the blue for me as he seemed very
attracted to me physically and that we had a lot
in common. I put it down to him being under a lot
of pressure due to his personal circumstances (he
even admitted that). We talked it over and said he
liked me and felt attracted to me but it was up to
me to decide what I wanted to do about it.

As we met to discuss the situation it was like we
never discussed not to continue the relationship
as he was very physical again. I didn’t stop him
as I was very attracted to him but drew the line
at sex at that time. After a few more weeks have
passed things seemed to have be fine again but
we have since broken up and he has decided that
we should be friends. I told him I don’t know how
to be friends with an ex as I have never gone
through this situation. Why did he suggest this?
Does he still want to be involved in my life?

He said there isn’t anyone else in his life and
I believe him as he doesn’t have the opportunity
to meet women. We have seen each other as friends
twice since the decision was made and we got very
close physically especially the second time. I
realize this was a mistake you don’t need to tell
me that.

I asked him about his reasons for stopping the
relationship but he said it is a mix of things on
his side and mine and not to discuss it again. I
am not saying I want him back as I don’t want to
convince someone to be with me. I just don’t
understand his reasoning behind staying friends.
I think we were together because we were both
lonely at the time and connected through some
very similar circumstances. Should I let this
go or give him time? I can’t wait forever.

I am very confused about my feelings.
Thanks for reading my e-mail."

***MY COMMENTS***

    Ouch.

    I know your situation is endlessly frustrating
and seems impossible to understand… as I’ve
seen TONS of women go through or tell me about a
very similar experience with a man.

    Why is it that men will act distant with you
to the point where a break up happens… only to
come back and act affectionate for a little while,
and THEN go back to being distant and uncertain?

    After he pursues you physically and you start
getting comfortable and open up your feelings
again, he starts back-pedaling.

    And he tells you things like, "you are putting
too much pressure on me".

    "Let’s just be friends."

    "Things are moving too fast."

    Or he doesn’t say anything at all. He just
calls less, or stops calling altogether.

    And when you try to talk about it, he reacts
like you’re laying some guilt trip or some heavy
burden on him… and he backs off even further.   

    What’s happening here? Why do so many men do
this?

    To explain why this is with men, let me ask you
a question…

    When you are feeling upset about something,
do you call up close girlfriends to talk it over
and work out the best thing to do?

    If you’re like most women, you often do this.

    Now ask yourself…

    How many MEN do you know call up their close
guy friends to share their feelings and get
advice for what’s going on in their life and
relationships?

    Not many.

    It’s just not part of the way they deal with
emotions and relationships in their lives.

    Most men spend less time "analyzing" all the
specifics in their relationships… and they
generally have a more personal and internal
way of dealing with or "processing" their
feelings. (Yes, men do have feelings after all.)

    But in case you haven’t noticed, men don’t feel
better or clearer after "analyzing" a situation
the way women do.

    In fact, oftentimes, doing so can actually make
a man feel "drained" instead.

    I think deep down somewhere you recognize
this. Part of you knows men are different in this
way. But another part of you fears or resents this
because it can make a man seem "unengaged" or
shut off from his feelings.

    And that can spell BAD NEWS for women in
relationships where they feel UNCERTAIN.

    Here’s my point…

    Considering all this about how men and women
can be different, how do you think a man is going
to react when a woman isn’t happy with the way a
relationship is going and wants to talk or analyze
why he’s not "feeling it" for her?

    He’ll probably respond negatively, get
irritated, or just shut down altogether.

    Arggggh! Frustrating, right?

    Let me quickly cut to the chase about
what’s going on here…

    There are about 50 things I could tell you
about how your man is at fault and creates these
problems for himself and for you in your
relationship.

    But that’s not going to help you learn anything
about YOURSELF.

    You could spend days, weeks, months or years
worrying about a man, what he thinks, and why he
does the things he does.

    But if you want to be smart…

    And you want relationships to start "working"
for you, then you’ll make sure you have things
handled for yourself first.

    And that way you’ll have the CERTAINTY that
only comes from understanding what’s happening in
the relationship around you… and what YOU need
to do in each situation that comes up with a man,
especially in a case like this where you are
dealing with an "Emotionally Unavailable" man.

    The "Emotionally Unavailable" man is a man
who has one foot out the door.

    One moment he may be ready to step into the
boat with you… he wants to be with you… he
wants to spend all his time with you… and it
seems as though he is ready to start on a
beautiful journey with both of you together.

    Then he stops dead in his tracks and starts
thinking about that boat on the pier. That’s
solid land. Land he knows how to navigate.

    Maybe he’s never been on the boat before
or maybe he doesn’t think he has a "map" in order
to truly understand where the boat is going.
What if their boat hits a rock? What if they
get lost on their journey? (like his comment
about "never having been in love before") Maybe
stepping back on solid ground that he is familiar
with is the only option he sees.

    And so he tells you, "I think we should just
be friends."

    One of the most common, frustrating and
destructive things these men do with women in
relationships is pull away or completely withdraw
emotionally.

    If you’ve ever had this happen and it dragged
on, even just for a few hours or days, then you
know it can feel like a slow "emotional death."

    Well, there’s something that lots of women
don’t recognize that I want to share with you…

    It’s that when it comes to emotional withdrawal
and distance in a relationship, most men DON’T
EVEN UNDERSTAND what it is they’re doing… and
why it would be such a problem for their
relationship.

    Ok, let me repeat that.

    Some men just plain DON’T GET IT.

    And more to the point, don’t want to.

    Got it?

    Now, why am I telling you this?

    Because lots of women get upset and try to
analyze the situation with a man to death, trying
to get all kinds of "meaning" from what he tells
them and looking for the deeper reason behind his
distance.

    When in fact, the truth is that lots of men
don’t appreciate how important sharing feelings,
emotions, and experiences are to a relationship,
and to a woman. (Duh!)

    So when a great woman comes along that he
could have an amazing time with and get close
to…

    And she starts noticing that he isn’t as
"involved" emotionally…

    Instead of identifying these for what they
are (part of his natural "masculine" tendency
to pull away and focus in a less emotionally
involved way) she feels rejected, unappreciated
or deadened by it.

    Men who are emotionally unavailable think of
themselves as "easygoing" and "laid back".

    Not "detached" or "distant".

    They’ll say things like:

    "It’s better if we don’t talk about it."

    Or…"Why do you nag me about this stuff?"

    Or… "Don’t worry about it so much?"

    Sound familiar?

    So what’s a woman to do with a man who thinks
or talks this way?

    Accept that he’ll never open up and share
with her?

    Resign herself to a life and a relationship
without real love and connection?

    Dump him and move on?

Well, what I can tell you is that as much as
men are different, a man MUST BE willing to be
part of the learning process that IS a
relationship for love to grow and last.

    Translation - if he’s open to learning and
growth in some way, then he’s not a lost cause.

    Which is why I’ve got two important
questions for you-

Question #1. How open to learning and growth
is the man in your life?

    This is an important question to consider
when you’re thinking about the kind of
relationship you REALLY and truly want, and if
the man you’re interested in is open and willing
to have that.

    The man you choose can help make all the
difference for you.

Question #2. How open are YOU to the idea that
YOUR OWN words and behavior often result in a man
becoming LESS OPEN to learning and growth with
you?

    All healthy, mature people in relationships
learn to take responsibility for their part
in how their partner responds.

    As much as men might be less "emotionally
involved", tons of women are blinded to the
fact that they create more of the situation
they fear most in their relationship - having
a man shut off.

    When you keep getting a man who shuts off
when you try and talk about your feelings, what’s
bothering you, or what’s wrong with your
relationship… it would be a good idea to take a
minute and look at YOUR PART in all of this, and
the way you communicate.

    Like, being ok with getting physical one day,
then being upset that it didn’t "mean" what you
wanted it to mean the next day.

    You see what I’m getting at here?

    But what if you knew about how COMMITMENT
really works inside a man’s mind and heart…
and you had a "map" to get you BOTH to a deeply
committed place together in your relationship,
without coming up against the resistance some men
put up when they tell you they "aren’t ready",
"don’t want to hurt you" or "just want to be
friends" (when it’s clear that they are physically
attracted to you)?

    Would a "map" like this help you feel more
comfortable, guide you smoothly through what was
coming next with a man, and help you grow CLOSER
in your relationship?

    And would you want to know all the juicy
details of HOW and WHY commitment either leads to
more happiness and intimacy, or just makes a man
feel LESS CERTAIN with you than before he become
more emotionally and physically involved with you?

    If you’re interested in learning these things,
then I suggest you go to the link below to check
out all the details about my CD/DVD program:

    "From Casual To Committed"

    I created this program to help women like you
learn how to create a series of experiences with
a man that would make him WANT TO COMMIT to a REAL
RELATIONSHIP with you on a deep emotional level.

    After all, the COMMITMENT PROCESS works very
differently for a man, as you might have already
sensed or guessed after a few "failed" situations
in your love life.

    A large part of this program is dedicated to
this exact thing — spelling out what it is that
makes a man commit to one woman, why he commits
(or not), and what happens all along the way from
a "casual" relationship to a deep lasting
emotional connection and "bond."

    Call it coming together as "soulmates".

    Call it marriage.

    Call it a "real" relationship.

    Whatever you want to call it, and whatever
you want to grow into with a man… it’s time to
finally learn, once and for all, how a real man
with his own set of strengths, weaknesses, and
fears is going to get there with you.

    Take a look at the free video clips from
this program here: