If you’ve ever felt totally "connected" to a
man who’s behavior is confusing, frustrating, non-
committal and painful to you, you’re not alone.
Learn how to take your relationship from DRIFTING
to DEVOTED with the 7-steps I outline in this
program:
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/171/CD147/&dp=9519
Hi, Ladies, if you’d like help to BRING HIM
CLOSER to you in a way that will make you actually
feel stronger inside YOURSELF, then read about my
Reconnect Your Relationship program here:
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/171/CD147/&dp=9519
Dear Ladies,
If you’ve ever felt totally "connected" to a
man who’s behavior is confusing, frustrating, non-
committal and painful to you, you’re not alone.
I remember being there - and I think most all
of us women have been there at one time or another
- completely "crazy" for a guy who’s just not
acting like a good bet for a REAL relationship.
A guy who’s acting like sort of a "boy toy"
where there’s amazing chemistry and fireworks and
emotion… but he’s just not taking the
relationship into the real world.
Where he feels like a great fit for you
emotionally and sexually and every other way, but
he just doesn’t fit into the picture you have for
your LIFE.
It almost feels like you’re in a fantasy world.
I remember wishing I could just LIVE in that
fantasy world, where MY EMOTIONS could carry the
whole relationship, and I could just MAKE MYSELF
be HAPPY with the crumbs I was getting.Hi, Jennifer, if you’d like help to BRING HIM
CLOSER to you in a way that will make you actually
feel stronger inside YOURSELF, then read about my
Reconnect Your Relationship program here:
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/171/CD147/&dp=9519
Dear Ladies,
If you’ve ever felt totally "connected" to a
man who’s behavior is confusing, frustrating, non-
committal and painful to you, you’re not alone.
I remember being there - and I think most all
of us women have been there at one time or another
- completely "crazy" for a guy who’s just not
acting like a good bet for a REAL relationship.
A guy who’s acting like sort of a "boy toy"
where there’s amazing chemistry and fireworks and
emotion… but he’s just not taking the
relationship into the real world.
Where he feels like a great fit for you
emotionally and sexually and every other way, but
he just doesn’t fit into the picture you have for
your LIFE.
It almost feels like you’re in a fantasy world.
I remember wishing I could just LIVE in that
fantasy world, where MY EMOTIONS could carry the
whole relationship, and I could just MAKE MYSELF
be HAPPY with the crumbs I was getting.
I remember being frustrated with MYSELF because
I just couldn’t make it work; I couldn’t get him
to give me what I wanted.
And it doesn’t have to be like that.
I’m living proof that, no matter what your love
life has looked like, or what it looks like now,
or how many mistakes you’ve made in the past (I’ve
made them all), you can pull all that chemistry
and fantasy together and have it for yourself in
REAL LIFE.
All you need are some Tools, some practice,
and a bit of a spirit of adventure.
Here’s a letter from Elizabeth, who’s in a
situation with a younger man - but you’ll see -
it’s not about his "age"…
>>>
Dear Rori, PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!
My name is Elizabeth and my boyfriend is Joseph.
We’ve been together since April, 2007. At first he
was SO into me. He called and text me 3 to 4 times
a day. He even sent me roses on Mother’s Day.
I am older than him, He’s 22 and I’m 29.I had a
problem with age but he didn’t. Well, he convinced
me of how mature he was and was so sweet. So I let
my guard down.
And right away I noticed a change in the
relationship. At the beginning of July, he told me
he got scared of how close we had become because
he finds it hard to trust, but that he had talked
about it with some friends and he knows he can
trust me and how much he loved me.
Well, he continued to call me everyday. I could
tell something was different though. I only see
him once a week because he works long hours
through the week. Then he stopped making plans in
advance and our time alone became time with us and
his friends.
Then he broke up with me at the beginning of
August. He said he didn’t have time and I deserved
better. He is taking over a business and I know
that he is very stressed out. Well, he sent me a
message and broke up with me.
So, I sent him one back and told him that he
should
not tell someone that he loves them unless he
means it. That I cared for him but he obviously
didn’t care for me but I hope things get better
for him and thanks for at least giving me some
kind of explanation.
Well, then he sent me a message back and said that
he did love me and care for me and he wanted to
get together and work on things. So told him to be
sure of what he wanted before he called me. Well,
he didn’t call.
He sent me a message once a week. Like "Do you
hate me?" for 3 weeks
Then he accidentally saw me. I was out with my
friends last week and he was there. We talked that
night and now we are back together. He said that
he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me
and that I had no idea how much I meant to him.
He promised me that he would spend as much time
with me as he could but I haven’t seen him since
that night. He has sent me messages or called me
everyday. Like "I love you, hope you’re having a
good day," but today is Sunday and he is off.
Instead of calling me he text me for about an hour
and hasn’t made any plans with me.
I am sure not to call or text him first and I’m
not asking him to go out because I want him to
chase me. I’m trying to work this the right way
but I don’t know what else to do to. Could you
please give some advice?? I love him and I want
things to work. But I want him to want me like he
did at first. Help, Elizabeth."
***I instantly related to Elizabeth’s story
because I once had a relationship with a 22
year-old fellow when I was much older.
It was one of the most fun, rewarding and
memorable times of my life, even though it ended
in heartache.
However, the heartache ending was appropriate,
because I NEVER could have had the fulfilling
relationship with him that I have now with my
husband.
And it wasn’t because he was so much younger,
or even that he was "young."
I know now that it wasn’t even because he just
wasn’t able to communicate on a deep level, or
that he was "too young" to commit.
We all know, from the celebrity relationship
and marriage of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher,
that a relationship with many years’ difference
can work out fine, and that even a 24 year-old guy
(I believe that’s how old Ashton was when they got
serious) can want the same things as a 40 year-old
woman (Demi’s age), and be mature enough to make
those things happen.
I also personally know of several brilliant
marriages with this kind of age difference - the
nurse in my doctor’s office was 44 and had 4
children when she married her 22 year-old
boyfriend, and a therapist I know married her 24
year-old boyfriend when she was in her late 30’s.
So, like everything, it’s not about the
"numbers."
It’s about the ability of the man to DO a
relationship, regardless of his age, whether
he wants that relationship or not, and whether
WE’RE the woman he wants to BE WITH enough to
make that major commitment at such an early stage
of his life.
At 22, my young "boyfriend" was just starting
out his life as an adult, and I was totally and
completely ready to be married and have children.
I was at a place in my life where I was done
with "flings" and wanted a stable sort of grown-up
man to be a life-long partner for me in REAL LIFE.
So, what I did was JUDGE his ability and desire
to be in a relationship with me because of his
"age," and never really gave him a chance.
I filled in the empty places in our
conversations, I gave him advice when he didn’t
ask for it, I allowed myself to become so deeply
attached to the "chemistry" in our relationship
that I almost FORGOT what it was I WANTED for my
LIFE, and I focused more and more on how to GET
him.
And this is the one thing that NEVER WORKS.
The more I focused on him and how we could
possibly have A REAL LIFE together, the more he
drifted away.
I always thought it was because he was so
young, but now I know it was because I was -
without even being aware of it - pushing him away.
On some level I didn’t really WANT him.
I wanted the "fling" but I didn’t want the
"whole package."
I didn’t want to be with a man who still had
some "growing up" to do.
But I knew no other way to be with him than to
put my whole self into it, try to make it REAL and
life-long, and HELP him "grow up."
I didn’t want him just the way he was.
I wanted him the way I THOUGHT he SOMEDAY would
be.
I wanted him already "grown up."
My husband was not completely professionally
settled when we met, either (and he’s younger than
I am, too), but he seemed to truly UNDERSTAND what
a relationship with me would be like, what he’d
have to do to have that relationship with me, and
he KNEW he WANTED it all.
And THAT was the difference.
Once we can see clearly if a man really IS ABLE
to do a serious relationship, and that he WANTS to
do it, then the hardest question of all to deal
with is whether or not it’s US he wants.
Some of that we can control - our part of
speaking to him and being with him in a way that
attracts him deeply. And some of it we can’t.
I pushed away that first young man because
somewhere inside me I knew he wasn’t right for me,
and that he wasn’t on the same Life Page I was on.
I knew, in a place I wasn’t aware of, that he
was too emotionally closed off to truly make me
happy in the long run - in REAL LIFE.
But still, it felt awful.
That sense of urgency I felt - that I had to
MAKE it happen - made me feel terrible inside
I know now that being able to stay calm, happy
and peaceful - no matter what your man is doing or
how the relationship looks right now - can make a
HUGE difference in how the relationship goes.
That’s because there are certain mistakes you
tend to make when you’re with a man who you want
to have a real commitment with, but he’s just not
stepping up and making it happen.
The first mistake is focusing on "events"
instead of feelings.
Men just don’t experience things the way we
do. If a man introduces us to his family, or asks
our opinion about what would be a good
neighborhood to buy a house, we think it MEANS
something.
We think it means he’s thinking of OUR future
together, and thinking he’s going to ask us for a
commitment soon.
Therefore, we get very settled and comfortable
in the relationship, thinking it’s GOING SOMEWHERE
when in fact, the man isn’t thinking the same
thing we are much of the time.
And that’s how we can get sidetracked by a
man when months or years later he tells us that
he was never ready for anything serious, and that
he cares for us or loves us, but just isn’t ready
to give us what we really want.
In Elizabeth’s case, she made the mistake of
thinking that exclusive meant committed. Her man
was "exclusive" with her and would see her in his
free time. He wasn’t seeing anyone else - or so
she thinks.
But that exclusivity is a temporary state in
the man’s mind, something he’s doing right now
until he decides what he feels about you and what
he wants.
Exclusivity doesn’t mean COMMITMENT. It
doesn’t mean he wants to be with you and only you
for the rest of his life.
A man will do what he wants to do, when he
wants to do it.
It doesn’t matter to him that you’ve been
exclusive for a month, a year, or even TEN years.
If he isn’t there emotionally, he just isn’t
there.
A real commitment is an EMOTIONAL process for
a man. There are steps and timelines that he
follows that have NOTHING to do with the timelines
you’re following in your mind with the
relationship.
To find out what the commitment process means
to a man, and the 7 steps to getting his lifelong
commitment, read about my Commitment Blueprint
CD/DVD program at the link below.
With Commitment Blueprint, you’ll understand
what he’s thinking and feeling every step of the
way, so you don’t have to sabotage your
relationship by trying to "talk about it" or guess
what to do to make him happy.
You’ll know how he feels because I’ll share
with you insight into his emotional journey, and
how to interpret his behavior accurately without
having to ask him. (This is what strangely bugs
some men to no end.) Read about it right here:
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/171/CD147/&dp=9519
A relationship is supposed to be effortless.
I know that sounds like the complete opposite
of everything we’ve always heard - that you have
to "work" at a relationship.
But it’s just not true.
Relationships themselves are supposed to be
easy, effortless, and make us feel BETTER than we
would without the relationship.
Like our lives are easier and happier.
Sometimes "logistics" take work - where to go,
what to do, how to get the housework done and fit
busy schedules together.
Sometimes, no matter how "connected" we are in
the relationship, there are differences of opinion
and style that have to be negotiated.
Just like in a business.
But the You and Me part is supposed to be easy.
And for some reason, this "easiness" is the
HARDEST thing we women can accept.
We are all so accomplished and thoughtful and
willing to work hard for what we want.
Only all that energy put into a man doesn’t
work.
In fact, it works totally against us.
The overwhelmingly top relationship priority
for a man is to be with a woman who makes his life
BETTER.
He wants HIS love relationship to be
EFFORTLESS.
That means: easier, more fun, happier,
healthier, more exciting, more emotionally
fulfilling, deeper.
That also means making him FEEL good about
HIMSELF, even when he’s down.
You can see that there’s nothing in there about
"Looks" or "Personality" or anything we women tend
to focus on.
So, here are the two things that create that
easy, fun, healthy, exciting, deep connection for
him:
One: YOU are emotionally, physically,
psychologically healthy.
That means you know who you are, you like
yourself - in fact, Love Yourself - and have a
fulfilling life without him.
The OPPOSITE of that would be getting the
feeling from you that he’s CRUCIAL to your
survival, that you’re desperate for him, that
you’re emotionally incomplete and need him to
complete you.
And Two: that you LOVE him.
Showing love for a man without coming across as
needy is the delicate balancing act we women must
learn to do.
It means feeling secure within ourselves, with
our focus securely on OURSELVES, and yet opening
our heart COMPLETELY to him.
It means being totally vulnerable while, at the
same time, being totally strong.
And as hard as this sounds, it’s not.
That’s what all my Tools are about - creating
this fantastic balance for yourself, bit-by-bit,
baby-step-by-baby-step, Tool-by-Tool.
So here’s a new Tool: EFFORTLESS
1. START BY LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM, wherever you
are.
2. CATCH YOUR THOUGHTS that are going through your
mind.
If you’re in the kitchen, the thought might be
"gotta clean up the dishes," if you’re in the
bedroom, it could be "I wish my man was here," if
you’re at work, it could be "Oh, look at that
stack of papers on my desk!"
3. NOW, CATCH YOUR FEELINGS.
You may have felt your body sort of JUMP.
You may have felt a sinking feeling, or maybe
even a happy feeling if you’re looking at a
favorite piece of jewelry or a stack of papers on
your desk that are finished and ready to go out.
4. NOW, CATCH YOUR URGE TO DO SOMETHING.
Can you feel your shoulders go up, your heart
jump forward?
Perhaps you feel your legs start to carry you
across the room to ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING.
Or, if it’s a sinking feeling, perhaps your
legs want to carry you AWAY from where you are -
to something that will distract you.
5. NOW, STAND PERFECTLY STILL. DON’T MOVE.
6. NOW, SAY TO YOURSELF - "Yes! I can DO
something!" (But DON’T MOVE.)
7. NOW, SAY TO YOURSELF - "But right this moment I
don’t have to do anything."
8. SAY IT AGAIN - "I DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING."
9. NOW ROCK YOURSELF, BACK AND FORTH.
Balance on your feet as though you’re a bowling
pin.
Rock slowly and easily, imagining yourself
secured to the floor.
Bend your knees a bit, until you feel easily
balanced over your feet, as though no bones or
muscles in your body need to hold you up.
Breathe slowly, in and out, take your time.
10.NOW, SAY, OUT LOUD IF YOU CAN, "THIS IS
EFFORTLESS."
Release your pelvis. Imagine you weigh
practically nothing, and you’re just standing
there balanced over your feet.
And that’s it!
Try this often throughout the day.
Tell yourself things are "Effortless."
When you’re with your man, tell yourself that
the relationship is Effortless.
Putting my Tools together is effortless.
You can pull them out of a hat, in any order,
and they’ll work.
Right there, on the spot.
To learn so many new Tools that will help you,
along with a deeper understanding of why and how
they work and how your MAN works, and to have me
walking you through the Tools, anytime, day or
night, that you need me, try out my "Reconnect
Your Relationship" CD program.
In Reconnect, you’ll learn how to get the
relationship you want by simply not trying so
hard. You’ll learn how to bring him close by not
trying to say the right thing, not trying to hold
it together, not trying to make sure you are
always happy and positive when you don’t feel that
way inside.
You’ll be amazed at how much can change in
your relationship when you stop DOING SO MUCH
and TRYING SO HARD.
You’ll learn how through my Reconnect program.
You can read about it and order a copy right
here:
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/171/CD147/&dp=9519
Let me know how the EFFORTLESS Tool works for
you.
Love, Rori
P. S. Are you putting your life "on hold" for a
man who isn’t giving you the time, attention or
commitment you want?
Learn how to take your relationship from DRIFTING
to DEVOTED with the 7-steps I outline in this
program:
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/171/CD147/&dp=9519
User: creatyoureality, Wayne, PA
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