***QUESTION FROM A READER***

I am at the end of long long divorce settlement -

(18 months) I started dating about six months

after our split -- meeting most on the internet-

Found I was naturally using some cocky and funny

but accelerated when I started getting your

newsletter.

Meeting them and lining them up has been no

problem-but once we are intimate --they want

exclusivity--I can't know what I want yet (except

sex)--but don't want some of the good ones to get

away--I keep hearing "you want your cake and eat

it too!!"

Also---had one I was dating recently--wanted to

know about anybody and everyone else I was seeing

---said the openness was good for a relationship.

I disagreed??

rb--michigan

>>>MY COMMENTS:

I'm glad you wrote in because I think that this

is a topic that is near and dear to a lot of

single men.

And, even though I have not been married myself,

I know what it's like to be in a relationship for

a couple of years and then all of a sudden be

single again... and I know what it's like to start

over again.

You have brought up some great points here, so

let's see if I can add some insight.

First, I think that it's pretty natural for a

guy who has just ended a long term relationship to

feel rather "naked" when it comes to women and

dating.

Often times, there are problems and drama when

two people break up, and sometimes you even have

jealousy and other issues to deal with.

So, one of the most important things to do when

you're "getting back into the swing of things" is

to remember that things will improve with time.

It might take you a few weeks or months after

you start dating again to feel like "you're back".

You might even feel a little needy and lonely,

which I also think is natural after breaking up

with someone to whom you were very close.

A critical mistake to avoid is TURNING INTO A

NEEDY WUSS AND TRYING TO WIN YOUR EX BACK... OR

TURNING INTO A NEEDY WUSS AND TRYING TO WIN ANY

WOMAN.
Opt Into Receive These FREE Newsletters from EliteMate

Now, it doesn't sound to me like this is your

problem but, I think that something like this

might be part of one of your problems.

Huh?

Whatever... I'll just keep talking and you'll

figure out what I'm saying.

You probably had been in your relationship for

at least a few YEARS. When you're in a

relationship for this long, I think that guys

naturally start behaving differently than they

would if they were just dating a woman.

It's natural and expected that you're going to

see your spouse every day, sleep with her every

night (I said sleep with, not have sex with... I

know, I know)... and generally be "around" all the

time.

Well, when you start DATING a woman, one of the

KEY factors that she looks at to decide whether or

not you're going to be "relationship" material is

HOW MUCH TIME YOU SPEND TOGETHER.

I'm going to bet that these women you're

meeting who want to be "exclusive" with you, are

responding that way because you're spending A LOT

of time with them.

If you're only interested in dating and not in

forming a relationship, then try this:

ONLY SEE HER ONCE A WEEK... TWICE AT THE MOST.

And only call her once or twice a week as well.

This should solve your "I want to be exclusive"

problem.

Women tend to get into "relationship mode" when

you start ACTING like you're already in one.

And a big part of that is how often you see

her.

If you only see her once a week or so, a woman

will sense, on a deep level, that you're not ready

to "settle down" with her, and that you're busy

doing other things and PROBABLY dating other

women.

Next, you mentioned that you were dating a

woman and she wanted to know about every other

woman you were seeing, and that "the openness

would be good for the relationship".

AHHH, THE "R" WORD AGAIN!

I wasn't there when she said it, so I can't be

sure, but my guess is that what she meant was "The

openness would be good for ME because I want to

know", and NOT that it would be good for the

"relationship".

Opt Into Receive These FREE Newsletters from EliteMate

This is subtle, but see if you can follow me.

You said that you disagreed (with a question

mark, which to me means that you'd like to know

whether or not I agree with you disagreeing).

I'd like to know HOW you disagreed, personally.

A lot of guys come across as weak when they

disagree because they just sound either

argumentative or insecure - or even worse, like

they're trying to hide something.

If a woman said to me, "Tell me about all the

other women you're seeing. I think it would be

good for the relationship" I'd probably say:

"Whose relationship are you talking about?"

...and then I'd laugh.

Or I might say, "I don't kiss and tell" then

smile at her.

In any case, I would NOT communicate in a way

that says "I'm uncomfortable" or "I'm going to

give you what you want so you like me".

You have to remember that a woman is going to

test your limits at ALL TIMES. And it never ends.

If you kiss up to a woman and give her what

she's asking in the moment, she probably won't

respect you in the LONG TERM because she knows

that she can get whatever she wants from you.

So, if you answer a question like this by

either:

1) Telling her what she wants to know, even

though you don't WANT to tell her...

...or...

2) Telling her that you disagree in a way that

makes her think that you're trying to hide

something...

...then she's going to feel like she "has

something on you" and that she can get her way

with you in the future.

Or she might just up and leave because she

feels like you're seeing other women AND trying to

hide it.

I know, isn't it all so complex?

My personal perspective on this topic is that a

man and woman should typically wait at LEAST a few

months before getting into any kind of

"relationship".

Opt Into Receive These FREE Newsletters from EliteMate

And if I'm dating a woman and she asks me if

I'd like to get into a relationship, and if I'm

seeing other women, I'll answer something like

this:

"First of all, I don't think it's a good idea

for a man and woman to have a RELATIONSHIP

relationship until after they've known each other

for AT LEAST 3-6 months. One of the reasons why a

lot of relationships end so BADLY is because the

two people didn't take the time to get to know

each other first. Also, I think it's a bad idea

to talk about other people that you're seeing

during that time because almost nothing good can

come of it" - and I leave it at that.

As you can probably tell, I really believe

this.

Again, it's crucial that you don't answer a

question like this in a way that is defensive or

argumentative.

If you do, you'll risk being rejected for being

sneaky or dishonest.

To sum up, it sounds to me like you're probably

used to being in a close relationship, and you're

ACTING like you're in a relationship with these

women that you're just dating. When you do this,

a woman will start to feel those "relationship"

emotions and start asking questions and behaving

like she's your girlfriend.

If you lean back a little, if you don't see a

woman more than once or twice a week, and if you

stop behaving in a way that says "we're in a

relationship now", then the women will get it.

They'll pick up on your body language and

communication and stop acting like girlfriends or

wives.

...and if you've just come out of a

relationship and you need to "get your game back",

then I HIGHLY recommend that you check out my

online eBook and my Advanced Dating Techniques

series.

Opt Into Receive These FREE Newsletters from EliteMate

There's no better or faster way to get your act

together and start getting dates with the kinds of

women you'd like to date.

Often, the end of a relationship is a "second

chance" to date women who are more compatible with

you or who are more physically attractive.

I've found that men who have been in

relationships for several years, often find

AMAZING insights when they review my materials

because they can RELATE to everything so well.

It's a lot easier to see where you've made

mistakes in the past, and it's a lot easier to see

what you need to do with other women in order to

be successful.

My very best product is my Advanced Dating

CD/DVD Program. It's jam packed with over 12 full

hours of me teaching live, including a companion

workbook. You will learn literally HUNDREDS of

great ideas for meeting, dating and getting

physical with women.

You can go and watch my great new set of video

preview clips and get all the details here:

Opt Into Receive These FREE Newsletters from EliteMate

And if you haven't read my eBook "Double Your

Dating", then you need to do that NOW. It's my

original manual for success with women and dating,

and it's the place to get started if you want to

take your success with women to the next level.

You can download it at:

Opt Into Receive These FREE Newsletters from EliteMate

I'll talk to you again soon!

Your Friend,

David D.