"Taking Her To Dinner"...
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Hi David, love
your newsletters, always remind me the great points I
read in your book... You recently wrote: "If you buy a
woman enough dinners, she may begin to feel some
AFFECTION for you... but food and gifts will never
lead to ATTRACTION. Big difference." So what do
we do after the first date of tea and stimulating
conversation? I figure that at some point, I would
like to go to dinner with a new girl. Should I just
let them pay for theirs? I did that last time, since
we were just becoming friends, I wasn't that into the
woman and didn't want to look like I was trying to
impress her (since I wasn't trying to impress her),
and she also has her own business and I could tell she
Dinner has been
my main date approach in the past, and I have become
the Wuss in most cases! I recently came up with a good
line for a girl at the Farmers market who told me I
should eat my greens... I told her she should come
over and cook them for me! She didn't know how to
respond, but I think she liked it by her smile. I'm
gonna hit her up next time to be serious about that
request, I think she can probably cook up some nice
greens to go along with my nice Ahi Tuna dish...
I want to share
an interesting story about a conversation I had this
evening. I was talking with, of all people, my
MOM about the topic of "men paying for things for
women" and it was fascinating to me to hear her
perspective. Without hesitation, she said that
she believes that men should pay for everything, and
if they really like a woman that they should SUPPORT
her as well.
Of course, I
burst out with, "YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING!" After
we shared a laugh, she said, "No, I'm not kidding."
And she wasn't kidding, either. My own mother
believes that it's just part of being a "gentleman and
good suitor" to pay for dinners, gifts, and even
shelter for the woman he desires. I immediately
replied with [paraphrased]:
"This kind of
sounds to me like you believe that men should pay
women to give them attention, affection and sex."
At this point I think she remembered that I write
books about this kind of thing and she gave up. But
the thing that really got my attention was that she
REALLY BELIEVES THAT MEN SHOULD PAY FOR EVERYTHING. IN
FACT, SHE BELIEVES IT AT THE "WELL, OF COURSE! THAT'S
JUST THE RIGHT THING TO DO" LEVEL!
heavy. No wonder I was such a loser before with
women. OK, I love my mom and mean no disrespect
towards her... But let's talk about the real world for
a second. Here are a few things that I believe
about how things work in general when it comes to
women and dating:
1) People in
general, MALE OR FEMALE intuitively know when they are
being "pursued". As soon as we know that we have
something that someone else wants, the price starts to
go up. Economics 101.
2) When the
price starts going up (translation: she realizes that
you really like her and she starts playing hard to
get, making you "prove" yourself, etc.) you start to
LOSE CONTROL RAPIDLY.
3) When you lose
control, you have a couple of basic ways you can
A) Pursue her harder, giving her even MORE control
B) Giving up.
these options sounds very good to me.)
alternative is to NEVER START GIVING UP CONTROL IN THE
5) One way to do
that is to stay away from things that put a woman into
the "courting" mode of thinking and behavior.
6) Asking a
woman to dinner and then buying is probably the
absolute most certain way to put a woman in the state
of mind that she is being "pursued" (with the possible
exception of stalking her, which I strongly
By the way, I'm
not opposed to the idea of buying dinner for a woman.
I'm opposed to the mindset that you put her into when
you buy it.
Make sense? A
quick thought: This kind of thing is usually just a
"symptom" of a deeper problem that many men have...
which has to do with problems of healthy "personal
boundaries" and other deeper psychological concepts.
If you are interested in learning how to fix this
"deeper" stuff, then you should go and take a look at
THIS right now:
Before I tell
you what to do instead of buying a woman dinner, let
me share what I'm thinking when I first meet an
attractive woman (I like unusually beautiful women
personally, so this might reflect a bit of a bias):
"She seems nice, but in my experience you never know
what a person is like until you get to know them
better. I'm willing to take the time to have a cup of
tea with her to find out more."
I'M GOING TO
GIVE HER THE CHANCE TO PROVE TO ME THAT SHE'S MORE
THAN JUST A PRETTY FACE. I never think, EVEN FOR
A SECOND, that I need to buy her dinner so she'll sit
and talk to me. No way. Incidentally, or not so
incidentally, having an attitude that you need
something other than yourself in order for a woman to
like you is UNATTRACTIVE to women. They can smell this
kind of attitude and lack of self worth. Bad, bad,
bad. OK, so you get that I'm not real big on the
idea of starting things off by paying for dinners and
"What should you
do instead?" I thought you'd never ask...
Well, first off, if you ABSOLUTELY CAN'T HELP YOURSELF
and you just HAVE to take a woman to dinner, at least
frame it as "I want to go out to this favorite
restaurant of mine, and if you'd like to go you're
welcome to join me." Then if you decide to pay, it can
be something you were doing for yourself, and you were
being POLITE by paying for hers. If you do this, make
it clear that you're there because you want to go
there, and that it's not to court her!
A much better
idea is to be creative and avoid all of the things
that scream "I'm willing to spend money to have your
attention" (and therefore driving the price of that
attention up). Why not a walk in the park? Going
to an art show? Going window shopping in an
interesting part of town? Taking her with you to run
errands? Taking her to a party that friends are
throwing? Here's a hint: DO SOMETHING THAT HAS
INTERESTING CONVERSATION AND EXCITEMENT BUILT IN.
Sitting at a dinner table ALONE with someone that YOU
DON'T KNOW is hardly "interesting conversation built
in". Think about it.
Take a moment
right now and think of 10 things you could do with a
woman that cost little or no money, but have all kinds
of interesting conversation, adventure, and excitement
BUILT RIGHT IN. Then, just do some of those things!
Don't advertise the fact that you're not "taking her
out to dinner", just DON'T DO IT.
Hey, this is
great... you get to have fun, not look like a wuss,
not put her in "courting" mode, and have interesting
conversation built right in. Added bonus: You
save $$$. Nice. What I'm really trying to say
here is don't set up the idea that you're paying for
Just don't do
it. And as for the gal who you met in the
market... I love the fact that you suggested she
should come over and cook for you. Cocky and funny,
very nice. When she got that shocked look and
couldn't respond you might have said, "Oh, I didn't
mean to embarrass you... you can't cook, huh? Well,
that's OK. It's nothing to be ashamed of..."
These are the best moments to turn up the heat! After
that, just simply move to the "It was nice talking to
you but I have to get back to my shopping..." Then,
just after turning away, say,
"Hey!... Do you
have email?" "Yes." "Great [pull out pen]. Give it to
me." Then follow up with this email: "Hey, nice
bumping into you at the market today. After
carefully considering it, I've decided that I can live
with the fact that you can't cook. I'll just have to
adjust. I'm busy tomorrow, but maybe the next day we
can get together for a cup of tea and I can teach you
a thing or two about this cooking thing. It's really
not that hard, and I'm sure you'll get the hang of it
in no time..."
By the way, I
have no problem with the idea of having a woman cook
for you. Just remember that if she does YOU NEED TO
PLAY HARD TO GET! Wait a minute; you need to do
that anyway... There's only one place in the world I
know of that you can learn all of this information
quickly, easily, and thoroughly...
And that one
place is my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.
In this program, I'll take you all the way through all
of the things that you need to know in order to be
successful with women... from theory to practice...
from nuts to bolts... from meeting to dating to
"getting physical". All of it.
You can check
out some great free samples
HERE And if you
haven't downloaded my eBook "Double Your Dating: What
Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With
Women" then you need to do that now. Just to go:
This book and
the three bonuses that come with it, are the
FOUNDATION for success with women. Everything
you read in these newsletters will make more sense
once you have read the book.
I'll talk to you
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